Yellow Submarine
by SeraSearaSpin
Summary: A bunch of mostly crack one-shots based off some Beatles songs. I say mostly-crack because I can't always avoid being a creepy lil' me when I write, and there might even be a few pairings, if you're lucky. Rated T for language. Basically on hiatus. PM me ideas if you have any.
1. Intro

** So, I've decided to go ahead and make a bunch of [Hetalia, of course] crack oneshots based on the names of some Beatles songs. I know I should be working on Like Glass [or in all reality, studying] but I'm not dark by nature and all I've written is slightly disturbing stuff, so welcome to the mostly-crack fest. Whee. Review, as always! First up, I am the Walrus.**

** An excellent apology for this puny, less-than-100-word chapter is needed, but not going to be written. :D**

**~Sera~**


	2. I am the Walrus

In which Prussia gets close and personal with some walruses. [Not in that way, silly Frances-in-disguise]

RANDOM FACT: Male [walruses] possess a large _baculum* _, which reaches up to 63 cm in length, which is the largest of any mammal in both absolute size and relative to body size. Take that, Prussia.

* * *

Several things had led up to Prussia going skydiving. The first was hearing about large blubbery marine mammals. He looked them up and thought they were cute, so he decided he was going to ride one. Then the blubbery mammals would make him even more awesome, and maybe they'd get awesome too and have awesome cute babies. And then the world would be taken over by awesome walruses, and he would be their KING!

And maybe if he was in a good mood, West could be court jester or something.

With that in mind, he paid Sealand - the small pipsqueaky nation was getting on his nerves and he wanted to shut him up - to find out where walruses were at this time of year, and then wrung money out of the other two members of the BTT to hire a plane to go fly out over the walruses. Since they never failed to help a member to something stupid like always, the plane they chartered also came with a mini-bar, thereby ensuring that Prussia and the others -they didn't want to miss this- were wasted when the skydiving time had come.

But hey, another stupidity, another day in the life of awesome Prussia!

He didn't die falling down, even though the parachute had been put in upside-down and flapped all around his face. Fortunately, though, the parachute kept him from drowning by being surprisingly buoyant. He was pretty close to a walrus, though, so he shucked off the skydiving gear and swam after them. Spain had remembered to hand him a life-jacket: an unawesome neon orange thing of ugliness.

For some reason, when he reached the tiny island that the walruses were all arranged on, they didn't immediately swim away. Maybe they thought he was a walrus.

Walruses are not known for their eyesight.

When Prussia reached the island - more of a spike of rock, really- he rolled the largest looking walrus into the water. The walrus did not react, just docilely accepted its fate. _Maybe it sensed the waves of awesome rolling off him. Perhaps it was smart and knew that angering him would strip it of its awesome status!_

Prussia's thoughts made no sense at this moment, but that's all right, they never did anyway.

"I AM THE WALRUS!" He stood on top of the island and bellowed this directly at the assorted walruses. "_THE_ WALRUS, D'YOU HEAR ME? THE REST OF YOU ARE JUST POSERS WHO CAN'T COMPARE TO MY AWESOMENESS!"

The walruses didn't react, but Prussia, satisfied that he'd assured his dominance over the walruses, whipped out a saddle and tied it to the walrus he'd rolled into the water. "Mush!" he shouted loudly, flapping the reins. Grudgingly, the walrus began to move, and Prussia was pleased. He took out a water-logged road map and squinted at it. After fifteen minutes of one-sided conversation with the walrus, he decided that he was close enough to the North Sea to ride the walrus up to it and ride right up to the docks.

The walrus couldn't swim very fast with a soaking-wet nation on it, Prussia found. Even if the nation in question stripped down to his boxers [which were, thankfully, not transparent and actually rather waterproof], the walrus was losing its buoyancy.

Prussia paddled back to the island of walruses and selected another walrus, not as fat, but with a nice prickly beard and long tusks. That still didn't get him moving fast, so he ended up trussing most of the walruses to the fat one. There was a problem with one, who refused to be moved and made weird bell-ringing sounds at him. After he shoved it enough, it rolled over and let itself be tied to the ever-increasing pile of walruses.

It took two days for the assembled walruses to drag Prussia to the northern shores of Germany. By that time, Prussia was sober again [mostly], and not all that thirsty, for France and Spain had dropped flasks down to him every so often [as well as videotaping the whole thing]. Also, an added bonus near the end was that Prussia figured out which walruses he could stand on.

The first Germany [and Belgium, too, for she also bordered the North Sea] heard of this was a report of a man appearing to be surfing on a pod of walrus. He paid it no heed, sure that this insane person was either a joke or would fall down soon.

He paid more attention when he realized that this person fit the description of his brother, who'd been unreachable for a few days. Actually, he ran to the window and took out binoculars to check.

There was a white smear standing on the backs of several brown creatures, waving his arms around wildly. His mouth was moving, and even though Germany couldn't hear his brother, he knew when the Kesesesese~ laugh was unleashed.

He rested his head in his hands. This was a bad day to wake up.

* * *

*A balucum: Google 'Balucum Walrus' and look at the heading of the second search bubble. That should tell you all you need to know. ^w^


	3. The Continuing Story of Bungalow Al

**Yes, I know the correct title is Bungalow Bill, but guess who this story is about? :3**

**I know some people have Native America as a mother to America and Canada, but I don't understand anything about the olden times so let's pretend that he's mostly alone, kei? Also I've never been to India...so I may've gotten everything wrong. Not Historically Accurate FTW!**

**Also, there's a phrase in the actual lyrics; _"He went out tiger hunting with his elephant and gun/In case of accidents he always took his mom/He's the all-American bullet-headed Saxon mother's son~" _Which I find amusing.**

**The more you know! But not really. :)**

* * *

When America was little, he always was attracted to dangerously large animals. After the first incident, England had learned to be less cautious, less afraid that America would get trampled. He'd basically left his colony alone.

It was very easy to get bored in America. Well, after he'd exhausted every toy at his disposal, anyway. He'd run cross-country with the bison, explored mountains until he was thoroughly lost, and hid from the scary nation with spiky hair.

And now he was bored. England wouldn't let him start a stampede again -remember what happened last time? - and he plopped down onto a rock to pout.

India came by eventually, and America was soaking wet from pouting in the rain. "Are you bored, small one?" asked India curiously. America didn't budge from his heroic pout, but he made a squeaky 'yes' noise. India crouched down in front of the small, bedraggled boy. "Then why are you sitting here? Why aren't you getting up to do something?"

"Because," sulked small America, "I _did_ everything already."

"Well," said India, "it's a pity you can't leave your country."

"Hm?"

Instead of answering him directly, the darker-skinned nation asked "Have you ever seen an elephant?"

"An elly-fant? What's an elly-fant?"

India pretended to be shocked. "You don't know what an elephant is? Come with me, I'll take you to some."

America's face fell. "But...England won't let me leave the country. He says it's bad for me."

India put a finger to his lips. "You don't have to tell him. You won't tell him, right?"

The little nation nodded furiously, blue eyes sparkling. His small face glowed with a smile. "Yes! Please please _pleeez _can I go with you because I'm so bored!"

India laughed. "If you will it, small one." India did not have any great love for England, and didn't really appreciate the fact that he was considered a colony. Taking America on an elephant hunt would definitely anger the Brit, which is exactly what he had in mind. Plus, he really did want to keep the small nation from being bored.

America insisted on bringing a gun. It was a small children's pop-gun, good for nothing but causing loud noises and stampedes. He changed into an adorable little safari outfit, complete with a hat, and India laughed and clapped his hands and told the other it was fantastic. The ride was surprisingly short, and India encouraged the small nation to take a nap - partially so he could expend his energy running around, and partially so he wouldn't drive India crazy.

It didn't take long for an elephant to be found after they landed in India, away from the clumps of cities and towns.

America stared at the elephant as if he'd never seen one before, which he hadn't. It was _tall_, and it seemed to block out the sun. It rolled a massive brown eye towards him, and India stopped patting it [the elephant, not the eye] long enough to gage America's reaction. "You okay, small thing?" he asked.

The question was quickly answered as America sped towards the elephant, leaving a trail of dust straight out of a comic. "It's so _big_!" he marveled, running circles around it. He tried to lift it next, and the elephant responded by snuffling its trunk through his hair, to his delight. "It's so _cute, _too! Can I keep it, Mr. India?"

India laughed. "Ah, I don't believe that's a good idea, but you can keep her company, for now." India spring-boarded himself onto the elephant's back, and the elephant flapped her ears and began ambling away, America chasing after, giggling. "You're an army!" proclaimed the small nation at one point. "You're the soldier, and she's the cavalry. Charge!"

America spent a few days in India with the elephants. India was always more than accommodating towards the blonde's hyperactive whims, and enjoyed his company. Even when America startled a herd of goats with his pop-gun, causing a stampede of terrified, high-strung goats running amok, India merely laughed and returned the goats to their paddock.

Until one day America was marching through a plain, imagining himself an officer at war, with the pop-gun cocked _just so_ at his shoulder, India keeping a watchful eye on him. "Stop!" shouted the darker-skinned nation just as America began to walk into the shade. America had never heard that tone before, and he froze in mid-step, little feet quivering. From behind him, he heard India hiss "Don't move a muscle. I'll come and get you."

America readily obeyed, but his leg muscles were getting sore, and would it really be that bad just to place his foot down on that funny-looking, puffy orange plant? He put his foot down.

It was a terrible idea.

A Bengal tiger exploded out of the brush, yellow eyes wide and needle fangs out at having its tail stepped on. It bowled the small nation over and dug its claws into his shoulders, puncturing the dusty safari clothes. The elephant, which America had affectionately nicknamed 'Mina' for some reason, trumpeted in surprise and began ambling over. That was all Mina ever seemed to do; amble.

India didn't move for fear of the tiger taking offense and biting the nation's head off. His breath was caught in his throat, and his heart hammered. _If he gets dismembered, England will declare war on me. Don't move, America._ America didn't move, wide blue eyes staring up at the feral golden ones. The tiger's belly was white and warm, and America just stared and stared. The tiger panted hot-meat-stink onto his face, and didn't move either. It was all a tableau, frozen in the late-afternoon sunshine.

And then America giggled and patted the tiger on the nose, and it relented and licked him, which must've stung. While India gaped, the small nation squirmed out from under the tiger and petted its head like it was any ordinary house cat. To India's utter surprise, it began purring, a deep vibration he felt in the soles of his shoes. Nation and beast both turned to him. America was smiling, and he'd swear on the fact that that cat was too. Mina, whose pace had slowed from worried to amused, sneezed and turned away, unconcerned.

The tiger eventually got up, stretched languorously, and glided away, poofy tail waving. America shot his pop-gun after it, and then smiled widely at India. "I caught a tiger!" he said, rather obviously, and a bit overwhelmed by it all, India started to laugh. "I think," he said, after wringing every drop of laugh juice dry, "I think that it's about time for you to go home."


	4. He's Only Sleeping

**In which Denmark 'decides' to see if he can stay in bed for a week straight. I know ****_I'd_**** like to.**

**Sort of featuring the Obnoxious Quartet, an invention of mine that consists of America, Prussia, Denmark, and SK. Fart powers activate!**

**Now, notes: Apologies for getting Sweden's voice wrong, I'm making the gesture that all the Nordics+Sealand live in the same house, and I know there are those in you of the fandom who would act like that. You know who you are :) Enough spoilers, now onwards!**

**Contains a bit of language and immaturity.**

**Review! :D**

* * *

Playing truth or dare with the Obnoxious Quartet is a risky business, Denmark soon learned. It wasn't that he didn't know that already, it was just that he got the full implications of it now, when it was his turn again. "Truth or dare?" asked America, the flashlight he was holding to the bottom of his face illuminating his eyes in a way that would've been creepy if it were anyone else but America. Normally he would say truth - the last dare ended up getting SK shot at for dancing on Switzerland's lawn in a chicken suit - but he knew, just _knew_ that America was going to ask about The Incident.

Denmark was irritated with himself for even screwing up that badly in the first place. Just because he'd gotten drunk was not a reason to go explain his nation-ness to the first pretty girl that wanted him laid. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. _Plus, he was sure that the other three were planning to ask him the most awkward questions. Well, awkward he could deal with. Awkward he could handle.

If it wasn't for the girl that he'd mentioned this to finding out where he lived and stalking him. He huffed a sigh. _Fans. They're everywhere. _And, in fact, she still did want him laid. Getting her laid would be the ticket to her sealing her mouth and never peeping a word, internet or otherwise, to anyone else on where he lived, according to her, anyway. Last time a bunch of people had found out where he lived, he'd had to move his furniture and hide in Norway for a bit, where Norway was always frowning at his 'disruptive behavior'. It took a lot of pleading to Norway for Norway to go to England and ask the eyebrow-monster to erase the memory of the rabid fan-swarm, and he was _not_ willing to debase himself that much just to avoid getting laid. At least she was a pretty one, anyway.

"Hello~" Prussia waved a hand in his face. "Awesome to Denmark~"

"Dare!" said Denmark, answering the old question, and the other three visibly slumped. "Dang it, I was going to ask if you were going to get her laid tonight." America pouted.

SK snapped his fingers. "I've got an idea! Excellent dares originated in me, da-ze!" He pulled the other two nations into a huddle while Denmark fidgeted. _Please don't ask me to parachute off the Eiffel Tower. _He wasn't in the mood for the Quartet's normal stupidity. He had a mistake to fix. Other wise he'd be brainstorming right up there with the rest of them.

"We have decided," announced SK formally, "that since you won't tell us about this _girlllll~_" -he drew out the word for an irritatingly long time - "you have to spend a week in bed. Da-ze." America and Prussia waited gleefully for his reaction.

The Dane closed his eyes and started counting to ten. When that failed, he took a long, calming swallow of beer. Then he opened his mouth. "SAY WHAAAAT? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MINDS?" He stayed in his angry pose for a moment longer before all four of them burst into laughter.

"Seriously, though," said Denmark, wiping a tear of mirth from his eye, "can't I switch to truth?"

"Too late~" crowed Prussia maniacally. "The deal's gone and done! You shook my awesome hand"- Denmark didn't recall doing that, but whatever - "and all of us were here as witnesses! You've got to obey the rules of Truth or Dare, or else you're a cheater and we'll never do anything with you again. "

Denmark sighed and flopped onto his back. "Fine. You win. But once I'm done, all the drinks are on you three!"

This elicited simultaneous groans from the rest of the awesome Quartet, but it was a deal.

**DAY ONE: **Denmark was sitting up in the bed scowling furiously. It was past the middle of the night, and the attractive member of the female species had draped herself across him. She was asleep. He glared at the camera set up in the corner, and cursed Hungary for agreeing with Prussia [FOR ONCE] and setting it up. "I still hate you," he said to the darkness. The camera laughed, and then he realized he'd fallen asleep while glaring at the camera. When he woke up, he was in a compromising position with the female. "Get off of me!" he growled, and rolled over into an antisocial log. Maybe she'd go away.

It wasn't even daytime yet. Maybe, if he was contrite enough, he could persuade Norway or any of the others to make her go away...

But he couldn't renege upon his word to get out of the bed. He'd made a deal. Oh, the things he'd done for his friends, and the things he'd continue to do. If he didn't kill them after this week.

**DAY TWO: **He thanked all the gods and goddesses he could think of that she had gone away. Just gotten bored with him scowling and not taking off his clothes. However, he knew that this would bring the fans all down on his house, and he'd have to move again...Maybe his bed would sprout feet and carry him out of here. Pfach.

Denmark groaned and thumped his face into his pillow. To make matters worse, Norway came in, gave him a strange look, and said, "Shift your lazy bones, there's work to be done." And then an exceedingly long time was wasted as Denmark tried to explain his circumstances to the uncompromising nation. In the end, Norway gave up, shooting the Dane a disappointed look. Denmark hated that disappointed look. He knew that it meant no help from that quarter.

Also, lying in bed was boring. All he could do was stare at the ceiling, or out the window, or at the wall, or counting how many specks were embedded in the wallpaper. The daylight slanted across his blanket-swaddled form, and turned from sunrise orange to morning yellow to a faded gold to red to silver, and it wasn't technically daylight at that point. Denmark fell asleep, only to be woken up by voices outside his door. Norway walked in, followed by Sweden and Finland peeping around the doorframe. "See?" said Norway, pointing at him as he squinted at the nations through the light. "I told you."

Sweden made some noise of assent and grabbed Denmark's feet. Denmark scrabbled at the sheets, shouting, "No! No! I need my sleep!" Norway added another annoyance, reaching over with a whippy stick to strike across his knuckles in an effort to dislodge him. "Help! I'm being attacked!" hollered Denmark. The gleaming camera in the corner watched all.

Denmark got one leg free and stuck a fuzzy red sock in Sweden's face. Sweden was distracted long enough for him to readjust his grip and grab the bedposts. "Mmf!" Sweden was very annoyed now, though his face didn't show it. "Y'r g'tting out o' b'd so I c'n go back t' mine."

The entire tug-of-war was cut short when Sweden yanked on Denmark hard enough to stir the entire bed across the floor with a loud, heavy _whump._ Something fell over upstairs, and Iceland could be heard shouting over Sealand's higher pitched voice.

"We'll continue this tomorrow." Norway cast a biting glare at Denmark and marched out.

So Day Two did not end well at all.

**DAY THREE: **He was rudely awakened by Sealand coming in and bouncing on the bed. "Hullo, Uncle Denmark! Why are you lying in bed so much? Are you sick?" Denmark sat up straighter. "Hello, Sealand, and to what do I owe this pleasure? I'm not sick." He liked his sort-of-nephew. Sealand reminded him of himself when he was younger.

"Uncle Norway got Papa to get a chainsaw! I'm not sure what they're going to do with it though and Finny doesn't like it. Ice told me to warn you because he didn't want to hear you yelling all the time anymore, and maybe if you fixed whatever it is he could actually get a good night's sleep. So says Icy." Denmark smirked at all the hated nicknames. Finny, Icy...it showed he was teaching the kid all the right things.

Sealand bounded off his bed and headed for the door. "Come on, don't you want to see the chainsaw?" Denmark had to explain the circumstances to the small nation, and unlike Norway, he took it seriously. "So you can't get up? Ever? All week? What about going to the bathroom?"

Denmark made a face that was rather indescribable. "Don't mention it."

Sealand made a face (a different face than the indescribable one), and then brightened suddenly. "So could I be kind of a spy for you? Figure out what they're doing?" Denmark nodded, and then Sealand suddenly had an idea. He narrowed his eyes. "Pay me."

"Whaat?"Denmark said. Sealand started bouncing on the corner of the bed again. "You heard me. Pay up, bastard!" Denmark smoothed his hair and frowned. "Who taught you to talk like that?" The little boy shrugged. "I overheard Jerkland talking to France again, and also I was feeding Icy's puffin." Denmark laughed out loud and produced two krone. "One for the job, and one for the swearing. Here's another word you can use to rile Finny: _stodder_." Sealand's eyes lit up at the prospect of a new insult to hurl.

Sealand skipped downstairs. Denmark folded his hands behind his head and hoped Finland wouldn't get on his case for teaching the kid how to swear. At the very least, it would irritate the eyebrows-monster.

The chainsaw stared up under him; he could hear it, and it also sounded close to his bed. He wondered what they were doing, and wondered when his informant would return. His mind wandered, and he drifted into a vague dream of a refrigerator proposing to him during an avalanche. He woke up moments later when the buzz of the saw doubled in volume. "What the _helvede _are they doing down there? Surely they're not-" his eyes widened. "No _skide_ way! They wouldn't-" The blade of the saw jabbed up through his carpet. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?!" hollered Denmark. "STOP IT! STOP IT!" His yelling was for naught, as the blade began slowly chewing through the ground around his bed with perfect precision. With lack of anything else to do, he began throwing his body from side to side, trying to get the bed to scooch over. All he did was disrupt the blankets.

As the chainsaw completed its circuit, Denmark braced himself and fastened his hands to the bedframe. _Any second now..._

The bed fell ten feet and thudded into the ground satisfactorily. Norway and Sweden stood over him as he lay there, looking smug, Sweden with a chainsaw in one hand still spinning. "Nice work!" congratulated Norway, and tossed something at the TV, where Sealand was watching it. Denmark sputtered. "But...but...I paid you! We had a deal!"

Sealand smiled without looking at him and held up the wad of ten Swedish krona. Denmark scowled; The kid was too much like him after all.

**DAY FOUR: ** He was awoken from his plaster and splinter covered bed by a pounding at the windows. He opened his eyes blearily - it was still night - and peered at the seeing receptacle. All was silent. And then Prussia appeared and smeared his face on the window, making him jump. The albino nation futzed with the window sash, SK and America close behind. Denmark flipped them off and rolled over.

"Surprise, surprise!" Prussia warbled, right next to his ear a moment later. "Rise and shine! My awesome power commands you to awake!" Denmark groaned and folded the pillow over his ears, refusing to acknowledge their presence.

SK squatted in front of Denmark's face and practiced his annoying breathing until the latter was forced to open his eyes. As soon as he opened them, he closed them again. "Sheesh!" he complained. "You coulda warned me! Last thing I want to see when I wake up is your ugly mug, I coulda gone blind!"

The rest of them laughed until Denmark hushed them. "Sweden has a chainsaw. Do you really need to give him an excuse to use it?" That shut them up quick.

"We came to see how you're holding up!" America said, springing around like a hyperactive puppy. "Because the camera doesn't really work anymore now that you're downstairs."

"Did you get laid, da-ze?" SK followed suit, until the Dane was surrounded by bouncing baby-faced nations. Well, not baby-faced, but it was a fun addition to the sentence. Ongoing with time, he answered, "I only didn't because you wanted me to." Prussia turned his pouty face to him. "Really?"

To which Denmark upended a bedpan onto his face.

**DAY FIVE: **The fans had come halfway through yesterday, trapping the Obnoxious Quartet in the house with the Nordics as rabid fans scratched at the paneling. Everyone was hiding in the attic. Except for Denmark, who was confined to his suddenly vulnerable-seeming bed. "Hey!" he called fearfully, seeing the faces of the fans stretch along the window. "Guys? Can you get me out of here?"

"Not on your life!" shouted Prussia through the vents.

"You made your bed, now lie in it." Norway's snappish tone was recognizably even here, with screaming members of the female gender plastering themselves against the window. Denmark was very glad he'd accepted the window salesman's offer to bullet-proof the windows.

"You sure you don't want to come up, Uncle Denmark?"

"Be quiet, you little traitor! I have no business with you!" He scanned the windows and heard scratching at the door. Apparently someone was pulling a Belarus and destroying the furniture. When he moved his head to view this person he'd sue later, it was_ her!_

Denmark courageously retreated under his covers and hoped none of them would get in.

After braving the rest of the day, some of the fans retreated as the police showed up and called them back. However, some hid, and his sleep was punctuated with sounds of hammering or muted shouting. "Hey, Denmark, Denny, is that you?"

He pulled the blanket back over his face and groaned. A moment later he poked his head back out and said, "Don't call me Denny!" in the loudest whisper that wasn't a talk. The fan went silent, apparently surprised that he'd spoken. And then they were talking again.

Denmark whimpered and retreated again.

**DAY SIX: **They got in on that day. Thankfully, during the night, the rest of the Obnoxious Quartet snuck down and dragged his bed to the attic for safety, with Finland wincing with every scrape on the floor and the walls, and Denmark groaning for every bump. Once they'd somehow dragged the four-poster bed into the attic and pulled the door back up, Denmark found himself the recipient of four cold glares and one Sealand-glare. He shrank down under his blanket until only his eyes remained.

"Blame then," he suggested, crooking his finger towards the Obnoxious ones.

Then there was a splintering sound - Finland cringed again - and there were the sounds of a horde of fans spilling through the apparently-battered down door. Sealand had one of those toy periscopes that he'd gotten Japan to modify, and had it poked through the vents to report on the crazed mob of humans. "They're all hopping around and holding their feet now, and they're not wearing any shoes, either!"

Denmark smirked. "I had Prussia pour crazyglue on the front steps and then scatter legos all over the floor! I'm a genius!"

"I beg to differ," muttered Norway. Sealand reported "They're on the second floor, and some of them fell through the great big hole that Papa cut." Sweden smiled tersely and hefted the chainsaw. "You're not actually going to use that, are you?" burst out America, and in response Sweden revved the saw in his direction. America hid behind Iceland, who frowned. "He won't use it," whispered Sealand into his cousin's ear. A moment later, he turned to the periscope. "Third floor! Shh, everybody!"

The attic was deathly silent as all the nations quieted. Footsteps trampled the hall underneath them. Denmark didn't dare to breathe. They might hear him.

Also he'd 'broken wind', as Sweden made him say. Apparently he didn't want Sealand running around shouting "Fart!" at the top of his lungs. Denmark had a feeling that lying in a bed with nothing much to eat could cause supremely odiferous farts.

Prussia began inhaling for his next breath. Then he gagged, put his hands to his throat in an exaggerated gesture of choking, and began hacking. Norway turned his diamond-cut glare to him, until he too inhaled the poisonous cloud and his expressionless face turned to shock. Everyone in the room began keeling over except for Denmark, who sat happily in his bed, a steady producer of stinkbomb gas.

"Eugh," retched SK. "Farts originated in me, da-ze."

Finland threw up out the window.

**DAY SEVEN: **The smell in the attic had grown steadily worse. Everyone was crammed as close as they could to the window and as far away as possible from Denmark, who was feeling quite smug. He was congested, after all - an irritating allergy to fans - and couldn't smell a single thing.

"I'm sorry," wheezed Norway. "Make it stop."

"Aim your ass at the fans!" cried Sealand, earning him a smack from Finland. "We don't use that language," he said sternly. Sealand pouted.

The fans were running amok, and only one of them found the attic. Said fan had received a dose of fart gas to the face, and was, as far as they knew, on their way to the hospital.

"Sealand has a point," agreed Prussia, looking much worse for wear. "Please fart on them to make them go away."

"Fart into the vent ducts!" suggested Iceland, pinching his nose shut.

Denmark scooted over in his bed and aimed his posterior at the vents where Sealand's periscope used to be. "Boot up the ol' air conditioner!"

America saluted. "Air Conditioner booting up, sir!"

The old machinery came to life with a dusty rattle and thrum. Denmark positioned his butt directly over a broken duct and waited. "Actually..." he said after several minutes of the awkward position, "I think I'm all out of farts."

Sweden gave him his indomitable glare. Denmark made a fart, a small, puny squeaky thing.

"More!" urged SK, holding his nose, while Norway facepalmed in the corner.

Denmark inhaled, closed his eyes, and made the most constipated face he could imagine. A low rumble feeling built up in his lower stomach amid a few chuckles, and a bubble traveled down to his butt. "THAR SHE BLOWS!"

An utterly putrescent fart exploded out of his rear with such a force that it bowled him head over heels onto the ground, where he might've possibly broken his neck. There were screams and shouts from below, while Denmark listened in pleasure. "They're leaving!" cheered Sealand. "Hooray for them," coughed Iceland. "I don't think the house is good anymore. The air is inimical to life, I bet."

America, Prussia, and SK stared at where Denmark's face was pressed into the wooden attic floor. "YOU LEFT THE BED!" bellowed America. "YOU LEFT IT BEFORE THE DARE TIME WAS UP!" SK pointed and squealed. "Failure originated in me, da-ze!" Prussia was laughing his signature laugh. "Kesesesese~"

"Au contraire!" snapped Denmark, pulling himself upright. "You see the time? It's past when we started this thing! I win!"

The Obnoxious ones deflated. "You're right..." Suffering the glare of the Nordics plus Sealand, Prussia offered a cheesy grin. Denmark crossed his arms and scowled, face morphing slowly into a smirk. "Payback time."

* * *

Switzerland's sleep was once again disturbed. He groaned, pulling a bathrobe over his pajamas, and poked his head out the window. It wasn't Italy tonight, for there were no high-pitched "Ve~"s and no shouts from a certain German nation, and it wasn't Japan that one time someone'd talked him into hang gliding and he'd failed. It wasn't Sealand coming to irritate Lili, and he didn't hear the strains of the chicken dance.

He grabbed his gun from its spot hanging above the window and poked his head out.

Three nations were screaming and running across the edge of his property while one chased them with a chainsaw in one hand, axe in the other. He peered closer. Was that...Prussia, America, and just now shouting "Not being chopped in half with a chainsaw originated in me, da-ze!"...that was definitely SK. Pursuing them was Denmark.

At the speed they were running, they'd be gone soon enough, but he fired off a warning shot anyway. Or more like a warning clip of ammo.

The sounds of the fleeing nations was music to his ears. He turned around to see Lili standing in the doorway, pink nightgown stirring slightly in the breeze from the window. "What is it, brother?"

He hung up the gun and closed the window gently. "Just a bunch of crazy people. They can't get us here. Go back to sleep." He kissed her on both cheeks and sent her back to bed.

Crazy people.


	5. You Can't Do That

**Has Liechtenstein & Latvia as 'friends'. Sort of. Because they're so _kawaii~_**

**I have no sense of time, and I think Switzerland and Austria had stopped being friends before Switzerland met Liechtenstein, but let's just pretend...because yay, more unhistoricalness. I've never heard of a rebellion in Estonia around this imaginary time. Liechtenstein's cold doesn't really mean anything in the world of the economy. Also in real life Latvia and Switzerland have pretty good relations BUT SCREW REAL LIFE I can make up my own history. XD Last, I ****know I exaggerated Switzerland's wicked overprotective ways and the size of his estate and basically everything about him, but *shrug* it goes as it goes. Review! :D**

**Also if you have a song you think I should be using, or an idea, PM it to me and I'll probably use it, because I'm running out of ideas. **

**On a random note, this is the longest document I have, clocking in at a whopping 5,594 words.**

* * *

It had been a while since Switzerland had had any friends over. He didn't have many friends. Well, technically, he'd hardly ever had people over.m

It had been a long while ago, before Liechtenstein had cut her hair to match his, and shucked her dresses for the military suit he wore. When he was still friends with Austria.

He'd come over to talk, or for Switzerland to patch him up after the fights he'd lost, and sometimes other nations would come as well. Once, Russia came, near the end of the time of Switzerland's friendship. Switzerland did not particularly care for the larger nation, but he said nothing. It was obvious that Russia just wanted peace and quiet, away from Belarus trying to stalk him. Switzerland escorted him to a bench in the garden and left curtly. It was part of a deal for neutrality between the two nations. Above all, Switzerland prized peace.

Russia had also brought the Baltics, and while Lithuania was talking to Poland, and while Estonia was dozing in the shade, Latvia was shivering. Liechtenstein came over to talk to him, her light brown hair short and wavy in the light breeze. "Hello," she said cautiously, sitting down next to him. Switzerland had warned her not to talk to strangers - "They'll subvert your government and enslave you, and then take all your money!" - but she was lonely with nobody but her brother to talk to, and this stranger looked nice. Not that Switzerland was a terrible brother. He was the best brother ever, if a little overprotective.

Latvia looked over at her nervously. "H-hello."

"What's your name?" inquired Liechtenstein, smoothing her dress into ruffles around her feet. She had a feeling that talking to this nation would be kind of like coaxing a shy animal nearer.

Latvia's eyes widened. Nobody had ever asked his name before. Russia didn't care, and the whole 'family' already knew. After an extended hesitation, he said, "My name's Latvia. Who are you?"

"I'm Liechtenstein," said Liechtenstein softly. She liked this quiet nation, who was so unlike Switzerland's brash roughness. Maybe they could be friends...she'd never had a friend before. She opened her mouth to ask him something else, but Switzerland saw her and stormed over. "What have I told you about talking to strangers?" he lectured. "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times you can't do that!" he softened slightly as she turned her green eyes on him. "Come on, Liechtenstein, let's go inside. You've got a cold! He could be carrying bacteria that make it worse. Remember that you wanted to go on a picnic?" Liechtenstein obediently followed him in, stopping at the garden wall to wave at the small nation. "See you later, maybe?" she called.

Latvia waved back and made an ambiguous motion with his head, and then wilted as Switzerland gave him a death glare over his shoulder. "You go on inside, Lili," he said lightly. "I'll catch up."

As soon as she was gone, Switzerland strode over to the smaller blonde. "Stay away from my sister," he said in a way that would've been conversational, if one didn't notice the dark implications behind it. "I'm trying to keep her safe, and I don't know you, therefore I don't trust you, and never will." Latvia shrank in his shadow, looking left and right. Switzerland had his gun, and it wasn't as if he'd done anything wrong, really, besides talk to Liechtenstein. He scrubbed an arm across his eyes. He wasn't going to cry right now and embarrass himself more.

Estonia and Lithuania took their places on either side of them, and he leaned into them gratefully. Even if they didn't want to be brothers, the Baltics looked out for each other. That's just what they did. "Is there a problem?" asked Lithuania pointedly. Switzerland was glaring, but then again, he normally was. The only time Latvia'd ever seen Switzerland not looking angry was when he was talking to Liechtenstein.

"It's...fine." said Switzerland with forced enthusiasm. "I just don't want him-" he jabbed a finger at Latvia, who jumped - "to talk to my sister."

"Well, why not?" asked Estonia, crossing his arms. "It's not as if he's scary." _Like you are. _

Switzerland gave him the death stare Latvia received. To his credit, Estonia didn't flinch-much. "Because," gritted Switerland, "I said so. This is my home. Do you need to be shown the door?"

"And face Russia's wrath? You know we're not allowed to go anywhere without him knowing, and then only if he lets us." Lithuania said matter-of-factly.

"Well," said Switzerland in a voice that barely covered his seething anger, "I'll just have to ask him to leave, on your behalf."

The three Baltics paled, not for Switzerland, but for themselves. Who knew what Russia would do to them if they pulled away from his mini-holiday early?

"Fine," said Lithuania with as much confidence as he could manage. "We'll wait outside the gate." The three Baltics walked away stiffly, Latvia poking his tongue out at Switzerland when the other's back was turned.

"Hmph." Switzerland muttered as he made his way back towards the house.

Latvia turned around at the last second to see Liechtenstein in one of the high windows, waving.

_The next day_

"Thanks for coming to my picnic, brother!" sang out Liechtenstein sweetly as she skipped along the path to the lake, "You hardly have any time for picnics anymore." Switzerland smiled at her. "I've always got enough time for a picnic with you." He studied her as she walked along. The cold wasn't bad, and it didn't really have any implications on her government as of now, but it may yet devolve into something worse. But she seemed okay today, the only sign of it being the goosebumps spreading across her arms and the clogged sound of the mucus in her nose as she breathed.

They spread out the blankets and the food on a sunny spot, and there was no sound for a while besides that of chewing. Switzerland knew Liechtenstein was working up the courage to say something, and remained silent for her. After swallowing the last bite of sandwich, she looked at him and said, "What's so bad about Latvia? He seemed all right..."

Switzerland closed his eyes. "Well, you remember his brown-haired friend? Lithuania?" She nodded. "Lithuania was positively vicious in a war. And his friend Estonia can hack anything technological, given enough time, and bend it to his own needs."

Liechtenstein looked appropriately in fear of those achievements, but then her look turned to curiosity. "But what about Latvia?"

Switzerland sighed through his nose. He hoped she'd assume Latvia was even worse than the other Baltics, despite his frail appearance. "Just...stay away from Latvia. He's not to be trusted. You can stay with me forever, because you won't need them."

"..O-okay..." she said, almost sadly. Switzerland gave her a hard, searching look. "You like living with me, right?"

Liechtenstein nodded so enthusiastically that her brown hair flopped wildly. "Living with you is great, brother!" Thus reassured, Switzerland sat through the rest of the meal not knowing how much his younger sister wanted him to ask if she were lonely. So she could answer yes. So she didn't have to feel guilty about spending time with him. So she could make friends, and visit friends, other than the few times that Sealand dropped by to be loud and, frankly, rather irritating.

She would like to see Latvia again, no matter his crimes in the eyes of her brother.

_The next day again._

The bell by the gate rang. Switzerland had taken all his paperwork outside, and it was an exceptionally sunny day. Liechtenstein was leaning against a tree, half asleep, watching bright slips of color flit around her vision. She yawned and hopped to her feet, losing her balance for a moment before catching herself. "I'll get it!"

"Hn." said Switzerland, looking down at his paperwork, not really paying attention. Then as the events registered, he leaped up, almost overturning the bench he was working on. "Wait! It could be dangero-"

Liechtenstein opened the gate. From this angle, Switzerland couldn't see who she was talking to, nor hear their voices. Since Liechtenstein didn't appear particularity worried by this arrival, he assumed it was Sealand again, come to annoy her even more. She turned and smiled reassuringly at him, and he grunted and sat down again, keeping a sharp eye on his sister.

Liechtenstein was surprised but not worried to see Latvia at the gate. "Hi!" she said in surprise, smoothing back her sleep-ruffled hair. "Ah, what are you doing here?"

"Hi," said Latvia in a softer tone. "I, um, Estonia thinks he left something here the other day. Can I come in and look for it? He's got a rebellion to deal with..."

Liechtenstein glanced over at her brother and smiled at him, and then turned back to whisper, "If you can sneak past my brother, we can look in the west-side garden, where we were yesterday, okay?" Latvia nodded, and Liechtenstein whispered ''I'm going to go distract him, and you can crawl behind the azalea bushes." She pointed at a line of tall bushes with bright pink flowers.

Latvia looked at the bushes dubiously before ducking behind them. "Oh - one more thing!" whispered Liechtenstein urgently. "Watch out for the ornamental pond-thing! It's full of mud!" Then she rejoined her brother as Latvia was dragging his hand out of the gloopy, quicksand-esqe mud.

Through gaps in the bushes, he saw Liechtenstein sit on the bench next to Switzerland and gesture about wildly, obviously telling some incredible story. He focused his attention on crawling under the hanging flowers without getting stung. Another thing Liechtenstein had forgotten to mention were that the beautiful flowers were thick with bees. _Almost at the end,_ he chanted quietly. _Almost there- _

And then, as the grass at the other end broadened out, Latvia put his hand down on a hornet.

It hurt.

Tears filled his eyes, but he didn't say anything, and just maintained an awkward three-legged crawl until he reached the relative safety of the open area. There was a fountain, and the water played in it merrily. He crawled over to it and huddled behind it. Looking back ever so frequently to make sure he was out of Switzerland's sight, he let out his breath and chanced a look at the sting.

The entire hornet was still smashed against his hand, and he squeaked and scraped his hand against the side of the fountain to get it off. That wasn't the brightest idea. The hornet was off, and oozing its guts on the fountain stone, and his hand now was screaming. Remembering something about some kind of stinging bug giving off pheromones that shouted "Danger!", he scurried around to the other side of the fountain, cradling his hand. He would go look for Estonia's phone, except his hand really _really _hurt. Where was Liechtenstein? He peered over the top of the fountain to meet Switzerland's eyes. He squeaked again. _Ah, I'm dead, I'm so dead..._He peeked over again to see Switzerland's strides bringing him closer every moment, with Liechtenstein nervously accompanying him.

_Did she give me away? I thought she liked me...I guess I was wrong..._

Liechtenstein got there first, green eyes apologetic. "Big Brother saw you in the bushes and was about to shoot you except I had to tell him why you were here so he wouldn't shoot you and now he'd gonna help! I hope you're not mad..." Latvia sighed with relief. "S-so he's not gonna k-kill me?" Liechtenstein sneezed, and then frowned. "Why would he kill you? He'd only shoot you."

"Oh." said Latvia in a small, wobbly voice. "If you say so..."

"Oh!" said Liechtenstein in surprise. "You got a sting. Is it bad?" Without waiting for an answer she took his hand in both of hers and probed it. Latvia felt kind of shivery inside as she then took a tube of faintly scented cream from her pocket and smeared it on the sting. The pain stopped, and gently she asked, "Is that better?"

He didn't get a chance to answer, as the butt of Switerland's gun came smashing down on the stone next to him, making him jump.

"And what," said Switzerland, "are you doing back here again?" His face was utterly terrifying. Latvia's throat locked up and he couldn't speak.

Liechtenstein jumped in to his rescue. "Come on, he's just looking for his friend's..." She looked askance at the nation that had all but collapsed into quivery jello. "Phone!" sqeaked Latvia at length. "Estonia dropped his phone."

Liechtenstein turnesd her aquamarine eyes on her brother, who only softened slightly. "Please, brother? I trust him completely."

That made Latvia feel nice. He would've chanced a small smile at her if it weren't for the very large possibility that Switzerland would have no qualms about shooting his face up.

Switzerland turned and paced, full of energy Latvia could only describe as angrily fidgety. He let out a short sigh, almost a snarl. "Lili, you're my little sister and I love you for it, but _you can't do that._ Not at all. You never can trust anyone. Anyone! They could stab you in the back, and could utterly destroy you."

Liechtenstein started to turn to look at Latvia, obviously thinking _Him? Destroy me?_ He could read it in her eyes, and Latvia wasn't sure if he should be insulted or flattered.

"Yes, him." Switzerland barked. "Anyone. Anyone at all could come up and take you away from me, and I'd have to kill him, or her. So you will stay with me forever, and you'll be happy, right?" His voice rang out shakier, almost as if he were convincing himself with the rhetorical question, not lecturing his sister. He turned on his heel sharply. "You will stay here with me, and you will be safe, and if I have to lock you in your room to enforce this then so be it. _You will not help him._"

"But brother-"

"Enough! Inside. Now. March." Switzerland pointed at the house sternly.

Head hanging, Liechtenstein went, eyes swimming with tears. She cast a lingering, almost pleading glance at her brother, which he ignored, before walking slowly up the steps and closing the door.

Latvia knew it was his turn now, and he pressed back against the fountain as Switzerland turned to him again. When he spoke, his voice was matter-of-fact, dead sounding, barely concealing savage amusement. "You have ten seconds to get your ass out of here before I pump it full of lead. One."

The small blond scrambled to his feet and panicked, whipping his head this way and that. The gardens were huge, and there were rows of flowered bushes everywhere. "Two." Latvia picked a direction and sprinted.

"Three!" he heard Switzerland call behind him, and he picked up speed. A hill rose up behind him, briefly hiding him from the sight of the other nation. _There's a wall!_ Latvia ran at it and leaped for the top edge. It was a solidly made stone wall the color of butter, and it was rough against his hands as he struggled to pull himself up.

"Four!" With much effort, he did a pull up and rolled over the top.

On this side of the wall it was quiet. Enormous willows arched their graceful branches down to brush his face, and green sunlight filtered through the thick nest of leaves. It was like a different world in here, and he stopped to marvel for a second before wondering if Switzerland would come looking for him. That thought spurred him to action, and he looked around. The walls encircled the entire courtyard, and there was a high arching gate nearly hidden behind the stout trunk of a tree.

Latvia took a few steps towards it, and was suddenly ankle-deep in a pond of water lilies. The water was uncomfortably cool, and he sprang out of it again, nearly knocking over an elegant china pot full of amaryllis. Righting the pot, he reluctantly took to the water again-there was no telling what he'd stumble into and destroy- and sloshed towards the gate. The room was bigger than it looked at first, and there was a reddish stone circle in front of the gate, which was thankfully open.

The small nation took his shoes off and hung them to dry, and rested his toes on the stone, leaving dark footprints. It was nice here. It wouldn't be so bad to be lost in this place. Then there was a distant cry of "Ten!" which galvanized him again. He bent to get his shoes, but he heard footsteps on the other side of the butter wall, so he forgot about them and sprinted down the path.

To his absolute horror, he found himself standing in the yard directly adjacent to the house.

Switzerland was behind him somewhere, so he knocked on the door frantically. After a moment, Liechtenstein peeked through at him, hesitated, and opened the door. "Why are you still here?" She didn't look too happy. Perhaps she was still stinging from her verbal dressing-down.

"I got lost," panted Latvia, and, with a nervous glance over his shoulder, he asked "Can I come in?"

Liechtenstein took in his muddy feet, his wet red pants sopping around his ankles, the dirt and white dust from the wall marring his uniform, and the twigs in his hair. "Come in!" she said cheerfully, and after closing the door, said, "I found Estonia's phone. This _is_ his, right?" She brandished a sleek black piece of tech, and Latvia nodded and smiled and pocketed it.

Her pleased expression turned to one of horror. "Switzerland's in the back yard! He's coming in! Hide!" Adrenaline raced in Latvia's veins as he frantically looked for a place to hide. Liechtenstein motioned frantically at a small table with a long hanging tablecloth against the wall. Latvia dove for it just as the doorknob jiggled, and Liechtenstein sprang for a cloth to wipe the damp footprints off the black and white checked tile.

Switzerland's silhouette filled the doorway. "Liechtenstein? Are you in here?"

Liechtenstein popped out of the kitchen with the cloth in hand. "Oh...Hi, brother." Her voice quivered with _don't look under the table._

Apparently Switzerland mistook it for something else. He closed the door behind him and sighed. "Listen, Lili, I didn't mean to blow up at you earlier, it's just...you'll get hurt out there in the real world and I don't want that to happen to you. You'll be safe here with me, without any backstabbers to hurt you." His rifle dangled over his shoulder and he leaned over her to hang it back on its customary spot on the wall, amidst all the other species of guns he owned.

"You just can't go and talk to any stranger you please. You have to know about them, know that they're safe. And that could take _centuries._ So it's best to not have any friends at all."

The cloth dropped out of Liechtenstein's hand. "But I..."

"No," plowed on Switzerland. "You're just fine with me. But I do have to enforce my rules, so as well as staying in the house for the rest of the week, I'll be patrolling the grounds. If anything happens just shout and I'll be there. In fact, I think it's an excellent idea to keep an eye on you at all times. Later in the week I'll be installing cameras and maybe a few more walls. I think I'll take back your gardening privileges for now, in case that weirdo comes back again, and after a month or two if nothing occurs I'll let you go out for an hour a day. This is all for your safety, mind you." His voice softened. "You're a wonderful sister and I couldn't imagine living without you, which is why I have to set up these extensive measures. Do you understand?" By the end of the question, his voice was hard again.

Liechtenstein stood there for a moment longer before bursting into tears and fleeing upstairs.

Switzerland stood there as well before face-tabling on the table that Latvia huddled under. "What did I do wrong?" he heard the green-suited nation murmur. "I didn't insult her, I made sure it was all right and she's not mad...what did I do?"

He slumped out of the room. Latvia noticed he took no less than five guns with him. _A great incentive to move..._he thought sarcastically.

Afraid that at any second he was going to return, Latvia hardly twitched, except to breathe, and to blow hair out of his face. Once he heard footsteps, but they veered away. As it grew darker outside, Latvia dared to peek out from under the table. In the evening shadows of the kitchen, he slipped out, muscles cramping from being trapped so long. A glance out the window proved no sign of anyone, so he risked standing up completely and taking a break from massaging feeling back into his calves.

_I have to get out of here. _That was his first and foremost thought, and he followed through on it by jiggling the window locks and searching for the keys to the door. Switzerland's mansion was every bit as imposing and maze-like as the gardens, and his efforts did not come to fruition. After minutes dripped through his fingers in this futile act, he wandered around the ground floor, burning the hard lumps of hours away. The moon rose and began sinking as the sky bulged with stars. He deduced Switzerland and Liechtenstein were not on the ground floor.

At one point he picked up the phone to call someone to get him out, but he had to input a 32-character password that he didn't have. When he tried lifting the Swiss nation's phones, the same thing occurred.

There was a door leading to a darkly shadowed basement. He shivered and refused to go near it. It seemed to exude an ominous presence across the room it was in, and being torn apart by a mass murderer was not on Latvia's list. The ghost/murderer/monster/scary thing was always in the basement.

There were stairs leading up as well; creaky wooden things with the varnish worn to nothing. He didn't risk stepping on it and having a groan of aged wood cause his untimely death- Latvia could easily imagine Switzerland leaping over the banister and blowing his brains out. Instead, he climbed the intricate weaving of wood that in normal cases would hold horizontal wine bottles, but was full of guns. There was nothing for it- he'd have to find Liechtenstein and beg her for mercy, and to get out of this infernal house at last.

He reached the top easily, violet light of moon-set throwing tightropes of blue shadow across the richly carpeted floor. There was the scent of burning, of smoke- but as Latvia turned towards the door the scent emanated from it resolved itself into the sharp scent of gunpowder. _Shooting? _

Suddenly afraid of discovery, he pressed himself into the best hiding spot he could find - a thick thatch of aforementioned shadow that swathed him from head to toe. Not a moment later, there was the sound of a toilet flushing and Switzerland emerged from the door Latvia'd been looking at seconds ago. _Does Switzerland piss fire?_ The thought almost made him laugh, and only sheer common sense preserved him. The green-suited nation drifted past in strangely feminine pajamas, and peeked through a sliver of open door into a room. Satisfied with what he'd seen, he then stalked past into the next room over and disappeared from view.

There were only two things that made Switzerland's face soften like that; powerful guns, and Liechtenstein. Latvia doubted there was a rocket launcher swaddled up like a baby with a blue bow on its head, but the mental image of a wailing gun brought laughter to his tongue. For the second time he was saved by sense, and he attributed his current loopiness to lack of sleep. The morning when he'd arrived felt so long ago, a small bright memory blocked off by an eternity of wandering in the labyrinthine manor, covered in the twilight sun.

Labyrinth-the word fit his current world perfectly. A maze of halls and gardens and thoughts that straggled confused between ideas and islands of nothing.

He ghosted over to the room that possibly contained a baby gun and slipped inside, tarnished buttons on his uniform briefly catching the door. As he'd only half-expected, there was Liechtenstein, pale pink nightgown rucked up around her knees, a sea of ruffled blankets around her. She was shivering in the cool morning air, and absently he pulled the covers over her small, curled up feet. With a chill he noticed a plush bear that was nearly the same color as his hair tucked up under her ribs, and he briefly debated pulling it out to actually compare the shades of gold. But no, she might wake, and...

_Isn't that the whole point of this endeavor? __To wake her up and get out of here?_ Latvia puzzled over it. He could wake her, should wake her, and yet...wouldn't. She was calm in her sleep, the light slanting through the half-shuttered windows kissing her face with the gentlest of caresses. So peaceful.

He went to the window and pushed aside the curtain, looking out over the beginnings of the corona of sunrise and leaning his head against the glass, filled with a yearning he didn't really understand. A bittersweet taste. He turned around sharply and went back to Liechtenstein's side.

Latvia slumped into a chair next to the bed that Switzerland probably used for the same purpose and looked at Liechtenstein, really _looked. _The light from outside had changed to a pale lavender that contrasted nicely with her brown hair and the pink flush of a small amount of heat on her pale skin. He remembered Switzerland saying that she had a cold.

Latvia's head felt oddly light, and he leaned back in the chair. _It's funny, _he thought, _that here I am, and yet I'm detached._ He was indeed detached, feeling as if he were bobbing around on the ceiling while some other boy, some other nation, reached out to her and delicately laid a hand on her cheek, to see if it were warm, to see how smooth it was.

Liechtenstein stirred in her sleep, moving to grab his hand and hold it lightly, with the most delicate pressure on his fingers, like a butterfly landed on them. Latvia, or ceiling-Latvia, hardly dared to breathe, but the boy in the chair smiled with exhaustion and closed his eyes. And then ceiling-Latvia fell into sleep.

* * *

Liechtenstein woke up with another headache. She brought her hands up to rub her eyes, and then found that one of them was gently ensnared in a loose grip. Rolling over sideways, she saw a silhouette of a person in the chair next to the bed, and automatically assumed it was Switzerland. Who else would sit here and watch her overnight?

As her eyes adjusted to the morning light falling through the window, she found to her shock that it was Latvia! She sat up quick with a gasp. Reluctant to extricate her hand from his, she simply sat quietly and observed him. The gold of the morning light played in his gold hair in a way that put flutters in her stomach, and she shook the feeling off and unknowingly copied the other nation by watching him drowse in the chair. _See? Brother can be wrong sometimes..._

Liechtenstein didn't like doubting her brother. He was a rock-solid anchor in her life, and his word was law. But Latvia was too sweet of a nation just to ignore and have dismissed with a careless phrase; "You can't do that."

Thinking of brother led to her thinking of the carnage that would occur if the Swiss nation found the Latvian in here, her room. She'd probably spend decades arguing with him about if Latvia had - she wrinkled her nose - stolen her virginity or not. As if he would. She stifled a snort, and glanced at the clock again. 6:58. _6:58. _Brother always came in right at 7. As she stared at the clock, it ticked up to 6:59.

Liechtenstein would muchly prefer that Latvia didn't die, so she leaned over and shook him awake. His sleepy eyes lifted, and then widened. He started shivering again in that endearing way. "Ah - Liechtenstein - um - Good morning..." he stammered, trying to regain his wits. He stared at the lump of their fingers twisted together as if it were all new to him.

"Good morning to you too," rushed the brunette. "My brother's gonna come in at any moment. You have to hide!"

Right on cue, there was the creak of a door. Latvia glanced around, eyes wide. "But-" The room simply didn't have enough furniture to hide behind or in. With no time to spare, Liechtenstein lifted the rumpled pink blanket and frantically gestured for him to hide under it. Latvia simply stared at her, blue eyes the size of dinner plates._ No way am I gonna get into bed with a girl like her- _

He changed his mind a second later when Switzerland's fingertips appeared around the side of the door, pulling it open. His heart beating like a hummingbird, he dove under the covers just as Switzerland turned his green eyes on his sister. "Good morning, Lili," he said hesitantly, not what her reaction would be after his lecture the other night.

Liechtenstein did her very best to act like she wasn't hiding a boy under her blanket. Latvia's bare feet were cold against her own. She simply stared at her brother, a little too doe-eyed for innocence. Switzerland shifted in the doorway. "Are you coming down for breakfast?"

Liechtenstein nodded mutely. _Am I going to be mad at him for imposing all these terrible new rules? _She couldn't decide, couldn't remember a time she'd _ever _been mad at her brother. _But there's a first time for everything..._ a naughty little voice reminded her, and in the end she just nodded. Switzerland disappeared, and Liechtenstein peered under the blanket, where Latvia was huddled, making a point of not looking up her nightgown. The sight brought a smile to her face. _He's not even interested in _that, _like most boys are__. Is there anything about him that _isn't_ good?_

"Stay here for a bit," she whisper-hissed. "I don't want you to get killed. After breakfast my brother will normally go and sit in the garden and take a nap, and we'll have an hour to get you out of here. It'll be fine."

Latvia looked up at her, and the morning light was like a halo around her head. The gentle expression on her face made him shiver, and he hoped she would put it down to nerves, instead of...

_No, you can't go there. This is Liechtenstein. _Liechtenstein, _Switzerland's sister. I'll get reamed. But..._

"All right," he said finally. "Thank you so, so much."

"Any time," smiled Liechtenstein, and found that she actually meant it.


End file.
